Fifteen years ago I swore I'd not only never find a man who was interested in me, but wasn't entirely sure I'd ever be interested in them. Well, I was interested in the 'idea' of them, having someone there each morning when I woke up and to eat meals with each night... it just didn't seem like it was going to happen. Ten years ago, same story, along with the nagging feeling that I'd also miss out on marriage, parenthood, growing old with someone... heavy thoughts to have at eighteen. I was convinced I'd grow to be the crazy old lady with a yard plowed entirely into a garden and a house full of cats or rodents in cages (like the crazy rat man I met in Germany who had transformed every nook and cranny of his home into a home for rats, both domesticated and feral). I couldn't see then that I was on the long and winding road to not only a lasting happiness, but to all those things that seemed beyond my reach back then.

As I sit here now, I feel a life within. I am due in December with my first child and am blooming with ideas for how to make my child's life better than the one I had. While I'm not wealthy (like the college recruiters virtually swore I would be with my degree program), I do have a working mind and the desire to see my child succeed and to know what it is to be in a stable home with responsible parents who love, cherish, respect, and care for him or her. I'd like to do better. I'd like to see my child succeed in ways I did not. I want my child to see two parents who genuinely love and appreciate one another. I'd like my child to see that adults can deal with their problems instead of run away or hide in the oblivion of drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, or promiscuity. I'd like my child to see a world of possibilities or room for improvement instead of problems for someone else to solve. I want my child to understand that we are ultimately the deciding factors in the success or failure of our dreams... and that it's okay to dream big and bigger. the bigger, the better!