FirstWarm hands glide upon my fleshTurning my bones into liquidAnd my mind into fire.What do you want from me?To be first.To be this closeTo feel your pulseTo hear you breathePlunges me into another world.My mind stops.You are so nervous.I tremble as well.What did you say?Remember.You are so close,Getting closerCloser still.Time stands still.Drawing me in with gentle hands.Lips meet in the darkness-Soft, warm, searching,An answered questionRaises so many more.What did I say?Unforgettable.I must have just thought it.Time stands still as we embrace.You release me for an instant.Stunned, I catch my breath.What do I say now?Nothing seems to fit.No time to react.My breath catches as youPull me in close again.
the call that changesA mid-week night, my cell phone beepedThree missed calls in an hour and messages to hearDialing the voicemail, mom's voice alrighthurried and desperatesomething's not right.Figuring it was more of the usualthe mother who feels all aloneher psychosis that comes and goesand when it comes, she's on the phone.She answered, voice shaking, hoarse with tearsand the words she utteredreached through time and spaceto the core of my childhood fears24 trips around the sun I've made,some with her, some withoutand in the moment that she told memy gut turned inside out. My knees turned to jelloand I sank to the floorwoman turned to child in meI didn't want to hear anymore.I wanted to retreat to make-believewhere bad things didn't occurat least not to good people...at least not to her.My mom is less than perfectshe may not have done everything rightbut she's still the one who gave me life,who boosted me when I was down,did her best without my dad aroun
ParanoiaParanoia settles in,I know my reserves are wearing thin…Stressed about making ends meet,About how many dimesWill get me down the street,Pained by excuses I haven't yet made,And the myriad I have.Who holds the bill?Who collects it all?If I slip in this mess,How hard is the fall?What if there's no bottom,And no roots to grasp?What if the what ifs keep comingRight up to my last gasp?Stressed by my shortcomings,Coming shorter by the day,No end to them at all,No possible way.
Breaking PointI'm reaching a point-A point… I don't know,Feeding emotionsThat I can't quite show.the past and the presentCoincide…Inseparable horror and pleasureBuild up inside.I open my mouth to speakBut silence pours forthAs I limit myselfFrom defining the sourceOf the pleasure or painWhich spins inside…Feeding emotionsThat I can't quite show,And cannot afford to hide.
trade-offThe individual assimilates into the collective...Trading off my youth forstability and responsibilityand a piece of paper on the wall.Looking in the mirrorI almost don't recognize me.The yesteryear daredevilcould pass for someone's momfor temptress trades withBusinessandNO ONE speaks of the PASTor the covered tattoothat speaks volumesof years gone by.Blink onceBlink twiceyep, I'm still me inside.The stranger blinks in the mirror,then winks mischievouslya few more lines mar the landscapeof her fair skinbut she still remembers.The stranger and I make an exitboth one and the sameinto the faceless crowdlosing our individualityto the adulthood realitywhere statements are spoken and notMADE.
MilyDark eyes to swallow souls,tangled curls down her shouldersout of controla picture of desire and wonderin contradictory fashion...A childlike woman or a womanlike child?Perfectly imperfectso mature, yet so wild.No man could tame hernor woman eitherwith an uncertain futureand a troubled pasther intense passionsthat love that don't last...ah, but to hold and to love herfor that brief moment... sigh.then she leaves you suddenly Silently completelylike wind blowing by.