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turn the music up loud enough.
I want the music loud enough
that I can feel it reverberate through me
At a cellular level.
I find myself lost in the rhythms,
full of emotions
I don't have words for,
wrapped up in the complexity of lyrics.
Every breath rises with a joy
That threatens to split me
As though I've grown too small
To contain it.
Play it again
So all of me can hear.
Play it loud
So I can feel.
"This is...Do you copy? Over."
sometimes love is so bewildering
that I can feel so much
for a soul dwelling
outside the skin I live in
just because the other exists.
Joy in mundane coexistence.
"This...me...DO YOU COPY?"
close enough to conduct electricity
between us, across that miniscule gap
the words just aren't flowing
and I'm failing to reach you
and I'm falling apart
like a broken walkie
or a radio station broadcasting
at the stars in hopes that the right ears
will catch the signal
before the last star blinks out
I blink tears away.
Screaming on the inside
"YOU DAMNED FOOL! I LOVE YOU!
THIS IS ME LOVING YOU!"
because action isn't as you had imagined
"This is me...DO YOU COPY?"
and I love you with force and fierceness
and not being heard
across that chasm
though my love is action
and action and reaction
and I get out of bed each day
to show you with my
echoes through my bones-
not old bones
not young bones
but somewhere between the birthing
and the dying,
middle ground, middle grown?
The creak and grind
as I try to simply
Things don't heal like they did.
If they ever truly did.
S l o w i n g down
grinding and clicking,
those old-ish bones
the creaks and groans
skin marred with stories
I may or may not have told
and stories yet to appear
but not yet marking me.
Grey hair no longer sneaking
bones, damn bones with their
empath.It was your choice.
I let you choose.
I sit here and watch you
flinch and grimace.
you over did it again.
and now I sit
unable to help
unable to fix
and I'd take all the pain
absorb it all
to see those blue eyes
instead of agonized squinting.
My heart breaks daily,
is really overrated some days.
AtlasI can tell you all day
how amazing you are
but you can't hear me over the voices
you've heard first, telling you over and over
quite the opposite.
and I want to silence them.
I can't silence my own, you know.
I want to counter every negative
with something positive.
I want to see you experience joy.
you deserve that much
after saving me.
You deserve better
than life has brought.
You carry so much pain with you
from the days before this one.
I fear you might break
if one more thing falls on
but then, maybe I can return the favor.
maybe I can help save you.
first birthWithin an inflatable pool,
levity exists in the form of cartoon-fish
painted upon the sides
as I find myself gripped
by the replication of my species
In that primal zone
between lizard and human brain
I bring forth
the voice of a hurricane
into the stillness of the room
shouting him into being--
Willing him into existance.
Willing it to be over.
Tapping into the force
of my foremothers with all the intensity
I FAIL TO SEE THE BEAUTY IN THIS MOMENT
...then I do.
and then the pain comes around again
deep and primal
until I feel myself s p l i t t i n g open
to reveal that tender new self
still yet unaware of his being separate
pulsing cord connected
purple and blinking and pissed
knowing cold for the first time
but here, earthside. Mine.
Together we rest, spent.
To My SisterYou dress like a Disney Princess,
And play with pretty dolls;
Your laughter warms our hearts,
Your smile lifts our souls.
You stumble when you walk,
And you can’t say my name;
You dance to invisible music,
Everyone says we’re the same.
You have curly blonde hair,
And big brown eyes;
A smiling flower of a face,
And chubby baby thighs.
You will grow to be big,
And you will change;
You’ll learn the world’s scary,
As much as it is strange.
If I could give you one tip,
And know that you’d follow it,
It’d be: be who you are,
Live like there’s no tomorrow.
Don’t strive for beauty,
Don’t live for lies;
Find beauty in living and
Keep putting beauty into
Other people’s lives.
happy family.and it would make no difference
if these walls could
because even they know when
to keep quiet.
Prodigal's SearchProdigal's Search
Tormented in school, berated at home
A constant need to live this life alone
I finished school to go abroad
My heart weighed with a heavy load
And every step I took then
Echoed with my mother's voice
An empty heart and a sad soul
Need time to recover and become whole
I needed to live among caring men
So I would not relive that life again
But still I heard that woman's voice
I wandered far and away back then
Vowing never to return home again
Haunted and hounded by my mother's ghost
Peace is desired but it has a heavy cost
Only now at the side of one I love
Who heals and soothes with a velvet glove
Does that voice soften and sound like the wind
And drift away like my dreams from my mind
And in the end I realized
That only my father and my sister cared
The former supported me till now more than I knew
The latter supports me at every thing I do
And I no longer hear that awful voice
There real.You say they are myths?
Well I've seen the truth.
It's amazing how hurt, and lies can get you.
How your mind is like a clock.
A ticking time bomb perhaps.
Sanity is waiting.
Waiting just to be snapped.
You say you don't fear the woods.
There's nothing to be afraid.
The wind feels good across your face.
Well darling, you don't know what game you've started to play.
These stories are all fake you say?
Nothing to fear.
But now you have traveld to the woods.
Fear, the monsters are near.
You say you will play the game.
The game that you have won.
Your not afraid to test your fate.
Say it is all just good fun.
Well don't say okay, he will kill you now wait and see.
For you've met with a terrible fate haven't you?
Or you say you don't sleep.
You just don't feel we'll.
but here comes the prince.
The prince of hell.
A slick of the blade will
I don't see it.When people say,
"You look so much like your mother,"
the other girls accept it like an award,
cringing and I see flashes of hands trailing
places they shouldn't touch,
whispers quiet, secrets,
"I am so glad we love each other. We are so
I tremble when you run your fingers through my hair
and when your lips meet my cheek
when your eyes dip too low
and your pink-painted nails, they wander.
My body still aches in the places your fingers ghosted over.
I am so afraid of love because what I know it to be is not warm.
I feel dirty and confused and guilty like I should
have known better.
I should have locked the door.
It's too late now;
when I hear the sirens wail at night, I pray they'll come for you.
post-crisiswell, now it's all over and gone
memories linger, and pain
triumphs lost to tear-stains
the worst part is you'll never know why
though you'll try to figure it out, put it to rest
your head tells you to give up,
but your heart won't let go.
Sleep, Little ChildHush, little child,
Close your weary eyes
And rest well
For you are in good hands.
You need not worry what tomorrow brings,
The sun will bring a new day for you,
Welcoming you into this world,
A brand new life awaits just for you.
And do you know what else, little child?
You've got your whole life ahead of you,
Whether that path is a long or short one
Rough or simple
You will make it and if you should
If you should make mistakes
Feel pain or sorrow,
You will grow stronger
And braver someday.
So don’t be scared, little child,
The world is at your finger tips
And when it comes closer
Catch it in your little hands
And hold it close to your heart
Because one day you will be able to see
The love it holds inside for you.
Oh, little child
You don’t even know
How lucky you are to be here,
And maybe you’ll never know,
You might not know for a very long time
You might never know throughout your whole life.
Most people don’t,
And that’s okay
Because you a
vulture of the nighti woke up to the sound
walking the stairs
you're coming my way and
tears start streaming down my face
i try to hide between the sheets, but i know i will be seen
and you will look at me.
lying about pregnancy is
(i'm sorry you were never born)
The Sister from HeavenWhat can I say that can possibly do justice to how incredible you are?!
Macie, you give me so much hope and happiness!
As I write these words I can't help but feel honored to know you
The words escape me that can properly express what you mean to me
You fill my heart with such joy that is so rare to find sometimes.
RPing with you is one of the few things I look forward to most when I go to the library.
Your art is so beautiful!
Your stories are amazing!
Oh, What I wouldn't give to see you in person and thank you for everything!
But the truth is, Macie....
I can never thank you enogh!
I've done nothing compared to all you've done for me, Sis!
You've told me lately to look to the future.
And honestly, the future seems so far away.
All I can focus on is the present
and living from day to day.
I feel like I have no future.
Like I have nothing to shoot for.
My future lies in the love of my friends
Including the most incredible sister!
Macie, U will forever
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Bluefley has a gallery filled with artwork that whisks you off in to a Sci-fi daydream, and keeps you captivated for hours. Marc has been a member of our community for over a decade and has achieved nothing but success with his astounding commitment to interacting with the community, sharing a prolific amount of video tutorials and generally being an all round rockstar deviant. It is no joke that we are absolutely delighted to award the Deviousness Award for April 2014 to ... Read More