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AtlasI can tell you all day
how amazing you are
but you can't hear me over the voices
you've heard first, telling you over and over
quite the opposite.
and I want to silence them.
I can't silence my own, you know.
I want to counter every negative
with something positive.
I want to see you experience joy.
you deserve that much
after saving me.
You deserve better
than life has brought.
You carry so much pain with you
from the days before this one.
I fear you might break
if one more thing falls on
but then, maybe I can return the favor.
maybe I can help save you.
first birthWithin an inflatable pool,
levity exists in the form of cartoon-fish
painted upon the sides
as I find myself gripped
by the replication of my species
In that primal zone
between lizard and human brain
I bring forth
the voice of a hurricane
into the stillness of the room
shouting him into being--
Willing him into existance.
Willing it to be over.
Tapping into the force
of my foremothers with all the intensity
I FAIL TO SEE THE BEAUTY IN THIS MOMENT
...then I do.
and then the pain comes around again
deep and primal
until I feel myself s p l i t t i n g open
to reveal that tender new self
still yet unaware of his being separate
pulsing cord connected
purple and blinking and pissed
knowing cold for the first time
but here, earthside. Mine.
Together we rest, spent.
New lifeSmall grin
greets me in the wee hours
print of an ear on my arm
from a sweet, sweaty head
sleeping on me.
my heart aches with the joy
of holding him.
smelling of innocence
and newness, he roots
milk flows freely
after the pinching sensation
early spring mornings
crisp and dewy,
earth and sweet grass.
the pain and the joy,
a discordant harmony
within me, without me.
what an unexpected thing
this new life.
springThe slowness of winter,
sluggish hibernation of thought
action impaired, cluttered nest
gives way to the gentle waking
of the arrival of spring-
Snow melting. House sighing.
Space too small inside
itching to be out in the sun
blinking in the brightness
after months dark
feeling frenzied, frazzled,
readying for change.
Oh, sweet spring.
I've missed you.
Narcissista I'm not her.
I don't have the energy
to spend on lies and diet pills
and to start over so many times...
leaving a swath of burning houses
people used beyond reuse.
Did you ever think about that?
They are humans, not resources.
I don't have the time for a new man
every time the new wears off.
For the drama. For the rumors.
I. Don't. Have. The. Time.
So don't compare me to her.
Don't judge me for cutting off the oxygen
to her narcissistic fires.
I WILL NOT BURN
just to see her smile.
woman with the burnt-out lungsCigarette-flushed face,
you never bothered trying to quit for your kids, though you were one when you started.
It wasn't real until the Big C knocked.
Once burned, twice shy,
your cousins remembered another family member, pixie-cut hair she once permed so proudly,
double-crossed and dying in a cold bleached bed.
Woman with the choked-down laugh,
we didn't want to believe it was cancer, chemotherapy, hospital, beloved, eulogy, grief,
when your daughter can't even spell the words yet.
It's all we can do to hope you hold faith like your aunt didn't, that you will end
your days knowing God. There's nothing else now but drugs and one last bout of misery.
Say goodbye to your children, Pam, and know you are loved.
Waltz with me a gentle rhyme
Meet me under the moonlight
Where the wind blows backwards
Time will never end
A ghost boat around the skyline bend
And a vampire’s kiss
The blood of a rose
And the song of the abyss
Where the wind blows backwards
That’s where you and me
My child take thee
And earn a window pain
A wolf howl on the biting rain
Until I can take your hand
And we can dance the final death
In your arms
Thicker Than WaterYou lost your life, I wanted to take mine
You always took the easy way out
Sunny California soon became cold DC Winters
Rather send me across the states into mother embrace
Didn’t know then you’d done me a favor
Drugs led to mental descent
Murder was your problem solver
So many secrets I was afraid to expose
To salvage your tarnished history
But these skeletons have been screaming at me for too long
My closet cannot hold a dead man’s baggage no more
Liquor proved to be your undoing
As it was almost mines
Led by example, right?
Mind fooled into believing in forgiveness;
Even shedding tears for your soul
But the lies we tell ourselves always revealed
Even as you lay buried, I feel hatred, callous, pain, malice
Emotions make sense; your blood runs through me
We’re not so different after all.
DaddyLittle girls are supposed to love their daddy.
But i find it hard to love someone your terrified of.
Daddy, daddy!!Mommy, mommy ! Help me find daddy! I can't find him anywhere!
Brother, brother! Mommy's sad! She's crying! We need to help!
Sister, sister!Everyone's crying- Oh no! Are you sick too? Your crying too!
Auntie, auntie! What's this place? There's a lot of people here!
Uncle, uncle! Those men, they look like daddy in his uniform. Where's daddy? They said he'd be here!
Grandma, Grandma! Why is daddy sleeping in the box bed? Why are there flowers?
Grandpa, grandpa! Why won't daddy wake up?
Daddy, daddy.................. Wake up......everybody's crying....
Beaten DownA large grin from ear to ear:
torn off my face.
Why must you beat me down,
do you thrive on my pain?
You must feel pretty damn strong then
but tell me,
do you enjoy
when your one love screams at you
calling you abusive?
Even more so,
I'm done with beating myself down
because of you.
When my last resort is wielding a knife;
I tear myself apart.
I don't want to threaten you
but you leave me no choice.
Although you're definitely not my father,
what kind of "guardian" are you?
Just who do you think you are?
Who is she?She pushes people away
for reasons not clear
Can it be
she likes to be alone
or is she scared
to be on her own
regardless of what her heart says
when she begins to think
she is filled with dread
always second guessing herself
wondering how to please the world
but who is this girl?
she can smile when need be
cry when she's had enough
even if its a single tear
but who is this girl?
obedient to the end
Taking my things.
They aren't yours to play with
I'm sorry mommy
Please stop yelling at me.
Ahead and take my things
You can have them to play with
Put me down
Or laugh at me
Or scream at me
Or tell me how
Terrible of a daughter
I'm sorry mommy.
Please stop throwing things at me.
Mommy, I'm sorry.
Screaming at me.
I love you mommy.
Do you love me?
I roam my house and all I see is division, hatred, evil, and broken. It is worst as I look at my grandparents home, divided by all and disowning of the eldest.
I wish at times how I would want to see my mother, able to walk the same ground as my grandmother, aunt, and younger sister.
Hated is all I see, blood is spilt on to those who don't care, and hearts die as they are changed.
Two-faced and judgement roll off the tongue naturally toward those who are dead to them. I stay quiet as I hear such things toward one another.
Many times I would like to say 'that the things you say are what we learn. And when we grow older, we will hate our eldest child for one thing. Soon they'll be dead to us.'
I would also say, 'What you're telling us is that we must love our siblings, since that's all we got, but you don't do the same?'
My aunt would reply, 'We are adults, that's different.'
But in reality it's not, . . .
It's being a person who doesn't do as they tell others.
And I hope ka
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^Nyx-Valentine arrived in our community and started whipping everyone into a frenzy with her relentless desire to bring the Artistic Nude and Fetish galleries to the fore. 9 years later, and it's safe to say that Nyx is not only a leader as a photographer in these galleries, but she has also established herself as a much saught after model. ^... Read More